You Should Absolutely Get a Buzz Cut

There used to be a couple of absolute certainties I could hang my hat on. One, if I turned on a Man City game, Erling Haaland would be booting a ball clean through some poor player’s skull, and his looped half-up, half-down ponytail would be at the scene of the crime. Two, if I saw a photo of Connor Storrie, I would be seized with some rabid gender envy, caused mostly by his head of cherubic curls.

Then, something happened over the weekend. Haaland took to Instagram with a series of…